My sleep pattern continues to get more screwed up as we get closer to our goal of bring a class II medical device to market for my client in Orange. I reviewed in some depth a "Software Requirements Specification" and was surprised at the level of incompetence that exists in this world. So be it.
On another note, one of the kids that I have been trying to help visited me Monday evening and our conversation resulted in me providing his girl friend with advice in the form of an email:
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N:
In reference to your inquiry as to what I would do if I were you given that D doesn't seem to understand the importance of money (getting a job), my advice follows. This is candid honest advice and only my opinion.
The first problem, according to my analysis, is it appears D doesn't understand the necessity of earning money and budgeting his earned money.
Let's discuss the necessity of earning money. We live in an age where money is important. Everyone has cash needs. The homeless bum on the street wants to smoke cigs. People need food. We use toothpaste and mouthwash and toilet paper. The tobacco farmer, the tobacco processor, growers and distributors of our food and well as the manufacturer and distributor of our shit paper sell their labor in return for money. They too have to eat. Taxes on the houses that we live in cost bucks. It cost money to put gas in our cars, insure our cars and maintain them. The facts are clear that money is important.
Let's now turn, briefly, to why we budget. We budget so that we can prioritize where we spend our limited money and ultimately get the most happiness out of what we have. If we have a car payment, we learn to prioritize that payment so to avoid late fees and repossession by the lender. Many people learn to budget, very informally, so that they have enough money to buy food prior to the next payday. We budget because we all have infinite wants and limited resources to fulfill those wants.
Dl's refusal to get a job, earn money and budget his money is regretful. A hoodlum (or non-hoodlum) 21 years of age should understand the necessity of earning money, and budgeting that earned money. You and I and Jordan and all responsible people understand these concepts and have income sources to satisfy our needs.
Can it be fixed? I think so. All you have to do is quit making it more attractive for him not to work. No one likes to work and the more menial the job, the less likely we are to like it.
Here is what I would do if I were you:
Although I would continue to encourage his academic progress by not requiring excessive work, I would require that he work and earn something. I wouldn't care if he were a bus boy or a car washer or a hamburger flipper. But he would have a job. [Remember, that was I got involved in the resume consultation for this purpose.] There is absolutely no reason whatsoever that he can't work 16 hours a week, more or less, at some "no-fun" job and contribute to household expenses.
I would require that he get a job and establish a budget. I would clearly establish when and in what amount he is required to contribute financially.
As long as his mother or you or someone else is willing to enable him to avoid that "no-fun job", he likely will avoid it. I would establish a deadline as to when he needs to have a job. I would also establish when he is going to pay what, and the amount of the payment. I would require that he become financially responsible very quick if I were you.
If he refuses to grasp and execute these simple concepts, I would seriously ask myself if I really thought the relationship with him has a chance of prospering. [If I thought that it did, I would schedule a medical appointment for myself to determine my sanity or lack thereof.] If he refuses to grasp and execute these simple concepts, I would terminate the relationship. If Daniel really "loves" you, he should be willing to make the sacrifice of working a few hours a week and earning money.
That's what I would do.
Please feel free to share this email with D if you want. I am not mean. D knows my view on this subject.
When I agreed to help J, these were the rules. J doesn't like living in the ghetto and working as a bus boy but he preferred this rather than the alternatives. It is for this reason that J likely has a job, earns money and has a budget. I tried to explain these concepts to D but apparently the message wasn't received.
Contrary to what some people may want to believe, my only intention is to help these hoodlums.
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Jordan and I had a rather long conversation, both on-line and by phone, regarding this topic and others. The better I get to know that kid, the more respect I have for him and the better I like him. Althought there are great risks associated with making a declaration that a former hoodlum is a "winner", this hoodlum has great potential. He is simply a great kid and in my view, with untapped potential.
On another note, Joy is doing OK as I understand it. She suffered some, without a doubt, as a result of her father's death and then her dog dying a couple of days later. I really do feel her pain and I honestly would bear it for her if I could. My fear is my insensitive ass would only further complicate the matter. So I remain afar.
